rude_not_ginger | Children In Need Clip Musings

My interpretation of the meanings behind the 3-minute End of Time Clip. I've decided this requires a lot of deep, meaningful thought, so I've decided to do it line by line. Hope you enjoy.

AUDIENCE: *cheers*

ANNOYING NUMBERS IN THE UPPER LEFT CORNER: *are annoying*

[and go!]

TARDIS: *appears on the Ood Sphere*

THE OOD SPHERE: *is pretty much the same graphics from "Planet of the Ood", but don't tell anyone!*

OOD SIGMA: *has been standing out here in the cold for for-freaking-ever*

THE DOCTOR [sticking his head out of the TARDIS]: Blimey! It's cold! It's cold and I'm in a panama hat and I've got this flower necklace thing! It's funny!

OOD SIGMA: I brought you tea but it's cold now. Because you delayed. And you never call.

THE DOCTOR: I thought you told me you wanted me to die and not to call you anymore.

OOD SIGMA: No, I told you that you were going to die. Nothing about calling. Though after that whole situation with Christina---

THE DOCTOR: ANYWAY, let's talk about how funny I am. I did a bunch of stuff! Saved a few planets, saw some cool things, caused a really awesome character to commit suicide, named a galaxy Allison! THAT'S FUNNY!

OOD SIGMA: *feels no humor*

ADELAIDE BROOKE FANS: *feel no humor*

WHO_ANON: Wait, there are Adelaide Brooke fans? We've been trying to call you out for the last week, now!

ME: OKAY IT IS JUST ME, ALL RIGHT? JESUS.

THE DOCTOR: Anyway. Oh! And I got married to Queen Bess!

ROSEFEN: *horror*

THE DOCTOR: And remember Queen Bess's nickname, eh, eh, eh? Wink wink, nudge nudge?

ROSEFEN: *collapses*

THE DOCTOR: It's funny, right?

[the lights dim, and the scene cuts to an older woman in a bright orange cardigan, sitting at a desk]

EVELYN SMYTHE: Thank you for taking the time out to sit here with me and correct a bit of this broken history. You see, while Queen Elizabeth---from a time period I am most familiar with!---was known as "the Virgin Queen", this was more from those who worshipped her for her saint-like image. It is fairly widely known, and was widely known at the time, that she took a number of lovers. None of which were the skinny braggart you see carelessly throwing about sexual exploits he has no business saying!

SIXTH DOCTOR: That's quite enough now, Evelyn, we should get going---

EVELYN SMYTHE: That is certainly not enough! I will be---

[screen cuts to static]

[screen cuts back to the Ood Sphere]

OOD SIGMA: You must come with me.

THE DOCTOR: That's what she said.

OOD SIGMA: Now.

THE DOCTOR: That's what she---oh! All right. Let me just lock up the TARDIS… *wink wink wink*

DOCTOR/TARDIS FANS: *GLEE*

THE TARDIS: *has a new clicking sound effect*

DOCTOR/TARDIS FANS: *disappointed*

THE DOCTOR: I locked it like a car!

OOD SIGMA: *has no idea what a car is*

THE DOCTOR: I locked it like a car! THAT'S FUNNY!

OOD SIGMA: We are not amused.

ROSE TYLER: *owes the Doctor ten quid*

[the Ood Sphere is very pretty and very NOT LIKE PLANET OF THE OOD, OKAY? Except it absolutely is like Planet of the Ood]

THE DOCTOR: How old are you, Ood Sigma?

OOD SIGMA: A gentleman never asks a lady her age.

THE DOCTOR: You're still miffed I stood you up all this time, aren't you?

OOD SIGMA: *changes facebook status to "It's Complicated with The Doctor"*

[~~Rivendell~~ Ood City!]

THE DOCTOR: This is all really impressive, though. How long did it take you to make this CG graphic? Which would make you HOW old??

OOD SIGMA: One hundred years.

SIGNIFICANT CAMERA SWIPE: *is significant!*

THE DOCTOR: This means something! There's no way you can construct that many pixels in one hundred years. or call me, for that matter.

OOD SIGMA: I borrowed Martha Jones's mobile.

THE DOCTOR: Oh, that sorts that out, then.

OOD SIGMA: But the mind of the Ood is troubled.

THE DOCTOR: I understand that. Take some fiber.

OOD SIGMA: Every night, Doctor. Every night we have bad dreams.

THE DOCTOR: Is it the one about the giant banana chasing you down the street?

OOD SIGMA: No.

THE DOCTOR: How about the one where you're forced to do a show with Jedward*?
*Which is actually a pop duo from the X-Factor and does not have anything to do with Jacob/Edward or Twilight.

OOD SIGMA: No.

THE DOCTOR: Is it---

OOD SIGMA: Why don't you just come down and share the dreaming with us?

THE DOCTOR: Yeah, she said that, too.

[Inside a dark and spooky and not at all CG rendered cave]

SPOOKY OOD WITH A BRAIN HEAD: It is returning, returning, returning. And he is returning, and they are returning…

THE DOCTOR: *gets ready to break into the chorus of the Pronoun Song*

OOD SIGMA: You will sit with the Elder of the Ood and share the dreaming.

THE DOCTOR: *is not at all awkward to be sitting with all of these spooky brain-holding Ood* Hello! *cough* I mean, Hello!

OOD: You will join! You will join! You will join!

[everyone puts their brain into their lap and takes hands]

MASTER/DOCTOR SHIPPERS WHO EXPECTED THAT CLIP FROM THE TRAILER TO BE THE DOCTOR HOLDING THE MASTER'S HAND: *weep*

SIGNIFICANT DIP TO WHITE: *is significant!*

THE MASTER: *laughs maniacally!* HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

THE DOCTOR: That man is dead! There are ten dozen fix it stories that will be Joss'd from this!

THE MASTER: HAHAHAHAHA! HE LOCKED IT LIKE A CAR! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (this is the theme music by the way) NUHNUHNUHNUHNE DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Can't wait until Christmas!