He's Fire And Ice And Rage

FOR THE DRABBLE MEME.

• I’m gonna say what I need to say,
in my very last letter to you,
cuz you always made it clear,
said that you’d never be my pain.
So here’s to you when you cried baby blues
And just paused a cool to refrain
And you said she was satisfied
and this body’s just waiting to die
and I could listen sometimes
but you said its alright
its just a whole lot harder alone. •

Lucy---

Lucy Saxon---

Mrs. Saxon---

He gives up and tosses the note into the bin by his desk. It's been months since he's seen her on the Plane, he's not even sure why he bothers. It's been good, being apart. He's grown closer to Brigitta, River, even people he's only just met on the Plane. It's better that she's away.

But now…

He is certain the end is coming. His death. He doesn't know what he does or who knocks for him, but he knows it's coming to an end.

He looks down at his hands. They're good hands. Little freckles and hairs all over them and the bones at his knuckles stick out, but they're good hands. He can't even imagine regenerating them away.

But his song wouldn't be ending if he was just going to regenerate. Funny. He always imagined he had at least a few more regenerations in him.

Still. That's the trouble with regeneration. You never quite know what you're going to get. And if he's right about the things people see about him, he's not going to get anything anymore.

He looks at the crumpled up letter. She made her choice. Probably wouldn't even notice if he died (when he dies).

It still doesn't feel fixed. It doesn't feel concluded.

He doesn't want her back. Not really. Maybe a tiny bit, but not enough for him to act on it. But he wants---

He wants to say good-bye. He's said good-bye to Sarah, Brigitta, Dorothy, and the Master, he's still working on saying good-bye to his Companion and Jack. He's passed on the notes he's taken to a superhero who should be able to continue his work. He's done. he needs to stop worrying about it.

But Lucy---No, no, Mrs. Saxon. He hasn't seen her. She doesn't know.

Unconsciously, he drops to the Plane.

She isn't there, of course. Silly thing to think. River would probably slap him for thinking something like that (and River's slaps are really, really unpleasant). But she's not here and he can't think of what to write in a letter to leave her.

She's content with her half-life with the Master, so she'd never seek him out. She doesn't know.

He drops back to the TARDIS and cleans up the letters before heading back to the console room to make a few final repairs.

Everything's ending soon, for him. And she doesn't know.

It's better that she doesn't know.

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 413
Based on rp with shatteredqueen and others in realityshifted

As I like to put important moments in the diary, this is the Doctor's first experiment. Exciting!

TARDIS capabilities at 20%

You can feel your ship's pain.

It is part of you. It sinks under your skin, it permeates every cell of your being until you are her pain. Every part of you hurts. Your hands shake as you try to reconnect wires and seal up damaged systems.

Somewhere, under the pain, you can feel a layer of betrayal. Not to her, the one who damaged your ship, but for you, for allowing her on board. For leaving her alone. For trusting her, when you were warned. You should've known, but you didn't want to, and now there's nothing but pain.

( You should've known. You just should've known. )

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 1,678
Based on RP in realityshifted with shatteredqueen and others.

"If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it." - Emerson Pugh

Love is infinitely more complicated than hate.

There's a whole holiday based around love, there are self-help books on love, and there's an entire bank of the book store labeled "romance". Some people would trade looks and money just to be loved, and of the 778 best picture movies during the Academy Award's run, 750 of them were based around some sort of love story. One quick look online and it's easy to find "7 great ways to build a good relationship" or "How to find true love". As if it was actually that easy.

Psychometrician Robert Sternberg theorizes that there are three components of love. A triangle, as it were. Passion, commitment, and intimacy. Without these three elements, one can hardly call it love at all, can one? And only the commitment part is something one can control, the other two are based on emotions, compatibility, and (usually) hormones. Without the heat of passion, a love story has no intensity. Without commitment, it will fizzle and die into nothing. And without intimacy, there's no genuine connection.

Psychologist Zick Rueben proposes a similar theory, though he words it 'round a bit differently, calling it "caring, attachment, and intimacy". The fundamentals are the same, of course, but it's focused more on a less romantic version of love and more a general version because there's more than one version of love, apparently. Romantic, parental, familial, friendly…all sorts of love. Psychologist Elaine Hatfield splits them into two categories so one can take up less space in their cabinets: passionate and caring.

And if one follows the scientific Coulomb's law, then one knows that the magnitude of the electrostatic force between two point electric charges is directly proportional to the product of the magnitudes of each charge and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between the charges. Meaning that opposites attract. Clever, isn't it? Good old Charlie Coulomb, always great fun at parties (but he's French, so that's expected) Oh, and Freud says love really just has to do with sex. But that's Freud. Good bloke, but he's a bit off his rocker at times.

Love is complex. It's messy, it's twisted, it's confusing, and no matter how hard you might try to fit it into an algebraic matrix, it just doesn't want to come out simply.

As for hate.

Hate is easy.

Hate is deep-rooted and uncontrollable.

Hate is body temperature rising.

Hate is adrenaline pumping.

Hate is muscles tensing.

Hate is all-consuming.

Hate is…a lot like physical attraction, come to think of it.

( The Doctor Explains Love. And Other Completely Improbable Instances of Self-Awareness. )

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 1,342
Based on RP in realityshifted with savagestime and shatteredqueen.
Also, special thanks to savagestime for suggesting that I challenge myself and write something in 4th person!