Ask me anything, I'll offer up the best advice this side of the known universe.

I've decided to give up freelancing.

From here on out, I've decided to become a professional advice columnist. Or...something like that. Anyhow, today, the Doctor is in. Ask me anything, and I'll give you the best possible solution.




Christmas Eve. 2009.

The Doctor loved Christmas! Back when he was a wee Time Lord, the first place he ever landed was London on Christmas Eve. He promised himself he'd never miss another Christmas ever, but that promise went into the same pile as "Lose weight" and "Regenerate a better hairline" and "Stop leaving companions in other universes". But the Doctor had never quite gotten the hang of New Years'. (He once spent several hours commiserating on the similarity between the confusing nature of New Years and Thursdays with one Arthur Dent, who will sadly not be appearing in this piece of narrative. -editor)

But! Through all his travels in space and time, he still hadn't quite figured out what Christmas was for exactly. Except as a yearly excuse for turkey, too much wine, and plum pudding (all of which the Doctor approved of). This year, though, as he strode the streets on this wonderful Christmas Eve, the Doctor decided he would figure out exactly what Christmas was all about.

This may or may not have included use of a intergalactic manipulative detector and a full pack of radio stellar isotopian crystals. Oh, and a cup of hot chocolate. In a festively-coloured cup.

There was a lovely light snow, and the Doctor grinned madly at the stars. Christmas. This year, he was going to figure out what it was all about.


OOC: Open thread, feel free to tag in as if your character is a passerby or as if your character is a long-standing companion! I'll be working on this thread up until the New Year, most likely! Everyone from any verse (or no verse!) is welcome, just let me know if you'd prefer it from a community or specific universe! And, for this thread, threadhopping is totally welcome!

Happy Holidays, everyone! &hearts
Hangin' round downtown by myself
And I had so much time
To sit and think about myself
And then there she was

You don't like traveling alone.

But just because you don't like it doesn't mean you won't do it. If a shark stops swimming it will die, and Donna always said that traveling was your way of swimming. So you travel. You've been sticking to Earth lately because Earth is easy. Earth is safe and warm and you can get a new culture just by changing your longitude. Earth is a little bit of everything and that's why you love it.

Today, you are in Bangkok. It's June, 1999. Next month NASA will intentionally crash the Lunar Prospector spacecraft into the Moon. In August, a 7.4-magnitude earthquake will strike northwestern Turkey, killing more than 17,000 and injuring 44,000. In December, dozens will die in Venezuela in a series of mud streams. And, on a less global note right now somewhere on the other side of the world Chang Lee is hugging his friends and Grace Halloway is kissing her boyfriend goodbye and in December you'll be there to make sure that their after-Christmas plans don't turn out quite as right as they hoped.

But Bangkok is wonderful. Oh, you've been here before. Various times, various places. You brought Dodo here once, and Leela. Still, depending on the year and the month and even the time of day, there's always something different.

It's probably 2 in the morning, now. )

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count:1,927
She's too sincere for one so young.

Not the dainty Judy Garland, no, the Dorothy Gale the Doctor meets is a sassy farm girl with strong calves from running and a backbone as tough as the heels on her silver slippers. One night at Ezereckian karaoke they both belt out "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" with about the same mediocre skill at both note-catching and lyric-remembering.

Funny, the things fairy tales get wrong.

He understands that. While she becomes a blue-check wearing princess in stories, he becomes some sort of a hideous monster with eyes that shoot fire and all that good nonsense. It's better that he knows her story and she doesn't know his. Of course, he imagines she'll ask him, eventually, about his stories. She asks him about everything else.

He's been traveling on his own too long. It's been a long time since there's been anyone wandering the halls of the TARDIS, asking what this is and what that is. The questions she asks aren't deflected easily, they sink in and he lets more of himself out. In turn, she's not used to company that understands her and her world and she finds herself relaxing around him. They talk about things and discuss emotions and do an absurd amount of running.

She makes him open up and he makes her feel.

She makes him go back for survivors he said weren't savable and he points at her firmly and insists she's brilliant. If there is one thing the fairy tales got right, she's got a ridiculous amount of Kansas modesty and he's got an overloaded sense of Time Lord ego.

Still, it makes for good balance.

They learn a lot about each other, as traveling companions often do. He knows how she likes her grilled cheese sandwiches and she knows his abhorrence towards pears. He knows how she takes her coffee (lots of cream, no sugar) and she knows how he likes his tea (clear, lots of honey). He knows she's never been in love and she knows his hearts are all but glued back together with crazy glue.

She's afraid he's never really going to put all those pieces back together.

He's afraid she's never going to fall in love.

Everyone should, he says. Though not with him, oh no. Brittle old man, he is. Already had his lessons in love. She says she's better than love. He thinks that's a silly way to think. She's only 116, after all. She's got a great big life ahead of her full of mistakes and foolish crushes and love.

Just not with him, he adds, and she agrees. She offers up her pinkie in a promise. Silliest thing, but her gaze is deadly serious. He rolls his eyes and links his pinkie with hers.

To never falling in love---with each other, at least.

Still, she smiles up at him with the edge of her lips in that twisty way and despite all protests he feels himself smiling back.

They walk back to the console room with their pinkies linked, off to another adventure.

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 545
Based on RP with [ profile] galeforcehero
- "Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands."
- Anne Frank

Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Mostly Sort of It's All Very Confusing Daughter. )

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 596
Based on and containing words from a very old meme.
This box is placed outside of Dorothy's door to open whenever she feels is appropriate. 116th birthdays don't happen every day, you know!

There is a note attached:

Happy birthday, Dorothy! Hope you like these gifts. If you don't...well, next time tell me what you want! I had to guess! I'm terrible at guessing!

The Doctor

When the box is opened, it plays a copy of Boy Least Likely To's "Glad I Hitched My Apple Wagon To Your Star". Why? Because that song is fantastic, obviously!

What is inside the box... )
If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change. - John A. Simone, Sr.

"Explain this to me again."

"Do I have to?"

It was probably not physically possible for Donna Noble to be more furious at the Doctor. She was tired, her clothes were torn up, and to top it all off? She was covered in some strange pollen that made her skin flushed and itchy. And if she looked nearly as bad as the red-splotched Doctor looking down at the console, she was never going to go outside again.

"The pollen is from a Derirte plant," he said, slowly and just a hint more patronizing. "Reacts differently with each body chemistry that comes in contact with it. For the Draconians it exfoliates their skin, for the Tereleptils it causes boils…for humans, however, it can prove to be fatal if---"

"Just cut to the chase, Space Man."

The Doctor scratched his head, sending more tiny spores from his gravity-defying hair. He sneezed and sighed.

If you don't have sexual intercourse in the next hour, you will die. )

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 764

Author's Note: Based on the rush of extremely bad "Sex-Pollen" Doctor/Donna fics out there on Teaspoon. I'm all for an impossible pairing like D/D (and it ain't like 10ant and t8 don't have a ton of chemistry), but honestly, could you get more cliché??
- Don't forget Rose's Earth Day Party
- Set up donations for Cassidy Mutant Health Center for John Allerdyce
- Grocery shop
- Call Martha, ask where she's put the little "While you were out" papers
- Buy flowers for Lorna, she could use some cheering up
- Lunch with Ford
- Buy new laser spanner
- Drop Nathan and Peter emails
- Thank you letter for Tir Na N'Og for the tour
- Don't forget Rose's Earth Day Party
- Get Haircut
- Experiment on Dorothy's slippers
- Write pre-experimentation apology letters to Dorothy in case something goes wrong
- Hide monkeymug
- Get Alec home at a reasonable hour
- Buy mercury
- Tea with the Rani?
- Visit Sarah Jane and Luke!
- Rewire subterfelian hoses below the console
- Don't forget Rose's Earth Day Party
- Drinks with Jack, bring new Gimbus line
- Reprint apology letters for Jack's spouses
- Couples therapy Thursday
- Take Ruby somewhere else extremely warm
- Apologize to Reinette (you know you have a reason)
- Check in on Sylar, it's been a while
- Really, though, you should get a haircut
- Repair jacket
- Check on the Brigadier and Donna

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 202
No specific universe, just based on lots of crazy interactions with awesome pups!
Well, maybe the Doctor had been planning on bringing a Beatles record with him. Maybe he had, but he'd never admit it. Especially not after Mike showed him up by sending that little spinning thing that played Beatles songs. And he certainly wasn't considering nicking it and taking it back to the TARDIS with him.

But, when the Doctor reemerged from the TARDIS to Lorna's record party, he had a dust-covered album with him and his hair was suddenly up in his favorite 60's do.

What records did he have? Well, the King, of course. On vinyl, but he also brought a record player. He'd have brought the bloke with him, but as he'd discovered with Britney, bringing pop stars along always ended in tragedy.

So! His three songs.

Elvis Presley: Heartbreak Hotel

Lyrics )

Elvis Presley: My Way

(Also, leave it to the King to make this a slow song. Isn't it supposed to be a know, happy song?)

Lyrics )

Elvis Presley: Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Lyrics )
The Torchwood hub was in its usual bustle-and-motion.

A new day, a new disaster. This one had already left Gwen with a bandage on her forehead, Tosh with her harddrives nearly wiped clean, and Ianto with so much clean-up work he doubted he'd sleep for a week. Jack sat at the head of the conference table, his arms crossed.

Cut for Spoilers to Torchwood 2.07, 'Dead Man Walking'. )

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who / Torchwood
Word Count: 1,605
Special thanks to [ profile] onlysayinghello for Jack-voice beta, and [ profile] ninewho for general awesome beta! *love*
Brit's Brit Boy Personality Has Manifested!
Posted Feb 29th 2008 6:54PM by TMZ Staff

It's confirmed that Brit Brit's Brit personality has a new Brit in her life---and nobody knows who he is!

The first non-pap to be seen holding hands with Spears was seen last night outside of Hyde. The skinny suit scurried down West Hollywood with the Britster in tow. Get a tailor, TMZ spotted that this guy was dressed in tweed! Is it 1983? Must be trying to stick to Britney's most famous personality, her thick cockney!

In a style reserved especially for John Mayer, the unidentified bloke said they had to "save the world" and pulled the disheveled popwreck away from the flashing bulbs, knocking over a TMZ snapper when he wouldn't move fast enough. Call a shrink!

The Britwreck and Guard-zilla then shot down to Brit's waiting SUV. Maybe they desperately had to get their capes (or their straightjackets) cleaned before saving the world.

See Also

The Red Zone Is Not For Unloading, Brit!
Get a Grip, Harriet Jones!

Filed Under: Britney Spears, Wacky and Weird

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 179
Special thanks to [ profile] daughterof_evil for the idea and [ profile] banished_dame for help with the graphic!
Dear MySpace,

Dear Livejournal,

So. I'm actually using this livejournal thing for the purpose for which it was intended. Writing about my emotions know. Whatever.

Two acquaintances of mine died very recently. I was in the process of helping them get out of a complicated deal they were in. I'm...well, I'm not entirely certain how I should feel on the matter. I sincerely doubt that Dean was freed from his deal through death, which means I failed him. Both of them.

Should've acted sooner. Matter of timing.

Also, Polaris...Lorna...the woman who looks like Rose but with shockingly green hair? She has a daughter. From a different universe, can you imagine that? Terrifyingly enough, I can. Always wonder what happens in those parallel universes to us Time Lords. Do we dry up like a raisin in the sun---no, wait. Sorry, wrong poem.

Jack's also sounded...well, a bit off, lately. I wonder how he's fairing with UNIT Medical Officer Jones wandering about. Maybe it's something else. I get the feeling that, as normal, he's not telling me everything. I'll have to stop off in Cardiff at some point.

So, list of required destinations in the early 21st century at some point around as soon as I can:

1. Colorado, to check up on Dean and Sam's survivors.
b. No. Wait. 2. New York, to see Lorna.
3. Cardiff, to check up on Jack.
4. West London, for a coffee.
5. Ministry of Magic, to give Dennis his very belated birthday gift from several years ago.

That's all, I think. Should reroute the subcororilators before I forget.
Warning: By posting this up you are subjecting yourself to other peoples tastes in music. First rule of Play List is do not get offended by the music people share with you. Your cup of tea is could be someone else's leafy water.
Warning: By posting this up should be willing to seek out the same meme on your friends list and give them some music too!

01. How it works: Place this post up in your journal.
02. Fellow friends list members [and their writers too] are to then in turn comment to your post with music.
03. Said music is shared via an upload that you can download, or a link to lyrics for the connection challenged that reminds them of you.
04. When you comment leave the song title and artist in the subject line so that if someone else thought of the same song they don't have to send it to you again, ;)
05. With enough people and enough variety of songs you should end up with a lovely playlist inspired by those that know you pretty well. [or so you hope]
06. Download and enjoy!

[info: I always have a few songs that I listen to and I just think man that song is so 'insert character here' but it is not always enough for a playlist, or a fanmix, so the song just sits in my iTunes popping up now and then. I always wonder if the same is true for people that read my characters too. Thus the meme is born. So share the songs that remind you of my characters. Lyrics, downloads it's all welcome!]

Dear Romana,

The skyline on Mercury at twilight.

It's beautiful. Lack of atmosphere makes staying here illogical unless you've got a TARDIS to protect you from it. Still, the way the light hits the scalded ground, shines off of the moons and the planets in the skyline…it's quite amazing.

Wouldn't think so much out of little Sol 1.

You know, with this atmospheric stabilizer, could potentially set up a couple of chairs and have a cup of tea here at twilight. And, really, at the way the planet rotates, twilight lasts a good long while. A whole day is fifty-eight days.

Give me a ring if you're interested.


The Doctor

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 112
What brought him here? Some quest, some adventure, some mishap. Nowhere else to run, nowhere else to go. He's here, now. Nowhere else to run.

Go ahead and jump.

He stands at the edge of the chasm, and he can't see the owner of the voice calling to him from somewhere along this chasm. The rock staggers and slides in a menacing manner that calls to mind teeth in a gaping maw. The sharp contrast of the white stone beneath his feet and the pitch black of the depths below is startling, and the pink skin of his bare feet looks wrong in the monochromatic world where he stands. The sky is also sharply black and vacant of the stars he's spent his life looking up that. They're there, he thinks, beyond that inky atmosphere. Other worlds, other worlds with color and freedom.

Go ahead and jump.

He shifts his foot and the stone crumbles easily away. For the terrifying depths below, the stone around it is soft and maleble, which makes it all the more terrifying. It feels like warming ice, burning his skin with chill. He uncurls his fingertips and the wind from the chasm spreads across his sweaty palms. The air is thick, it’s a bit like he's wading through it. He breathes it in and feels like he will choke. The air he breathes is cold, in comparison he feels scalding. He almost imagines he will melt down the side of the bluff. His skin will slide down the cold, jagged rocks and split around them.

Go ahead and jump.

He takes a breath. The air is heavy, it feels like rain. A heavy rain will break over this bluff and he will have no choice but to fall down. Fall into it. The water will push him through the clean-smelling stone and he will crumble. Crumble and fall. Crumble and fall. Crumble and fall…

Go ahead and jump.

The words he hears echo down the sides of the silent chasm. They tumble and fall and hop back to his ears and he can almost recognize the voice. Almost. It sounds vacant and hollow. Vacant and hollow and there and---

Doctor. Go ahead and jump.

His name, this time. His name and the voice he only just recognizes. Jump down. Jump across. Jump. Jump there. The voice is probably a lie. It's probably someone who wants him to die and, really, who wouldn't? Who wouldn't want the Doctor out of their hair if they were up to something?

Doctor, please.

That voice. He recognizes that voice. He never wants to think that voice could lie to him.

He breathes, his foot slides over the edge. The wind screams over his face and he feels the shift of gravity as his body moves over the edge and the coming fall begins to take over.

Go ahead and jump.

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 484

Dear Red Triton,

Sorry to bother, know you've got a kingdom to run. I'm on Plum Planes, which is actually a series of water planets along the coast of…um…you know, I’m not really sure.

Anyway. So there was an accident and I've got fins instead of feet. If you're laughing now, remember that I'm not laughing. It's convenient during my stay on this purple-water planet, but I can't get back into the TARDIS. You remember all those problems with had with Atina and the grates on the TARDIS? Same idea.

So! Why I'm writing you. I don't suppose you'd be willing to loan me that supercharged hand-held physical destabilizer and molecular transmogriphication pole, could you? By that, I mean your trident? Just for a bit to sort out my lower-half?

Would be much appreciated! Please contact me back as soon as you can, and give the picture part of this to your youngest daughter, I know she likes to see new places when I go to them. And a planet of purple water and skies is fairly interesting.

Hoping to hear from you soon!

The Doctor

PS: How do you jump out of the water all spinny-like? I wanted to try it but I ended up falling down on the surface which was absolutely no fun.

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 200
Totally inspired by this artwork by JesIdres
rude_not_ginger: (omgwtf?)
( Jan. 16th, 2008 02:38 pm)
There is a monkey in the TARDIS.

I have absolutely no idea how the MonkeyMug became a monkey.

I think it's Mickey's fault. He's usually a good one to blame in this sort of situation.


rude_not_ginger: (Default)
The Doctor


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