RP for perfectblue

[rude_not_ginger]

Human.

Human and he didn't quite know what to do.

Human and the stupid fob watch was missing.

Human and he had been up far too late looking for the fob watch to bring her back.

Human and...well, at least she was nicer when she was human. He could imagine Illyria slapping him around the console room when he didn't get her the fob watch right away.

He sighed, and laid his head on the console. What were they going to do?

Comments

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

He nodded, then gently laid his forehead against hers.

"I-I've never..."

It was frustrating, feeling so strongly about her, and longing to kiss her again, but she wasn't really Illyria, and developing feelings with this woman was so unfair.

But it was too late.

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

"Never kissed the other me?" she finished, with a wry half-smile.

"I cannot imagine why anyone would want to, though I don't mean to suggest there is anything wrong with your judgment."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"No, no, I've wanted..."

He brushed his fingertips across her cheekbone. It was a gentle, almost feather-like touch, as if he touched her lightly then the inner woman who did not desire him back would not be able to feel it.

He kissed her again, quickly. Briefly, letting his mouth linger on hers. One time, he promised himself. One time, and he couldn't even stick to that.

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

He was so kind, and so careful, and yet she thought with just the tiniest push all that caution could be thrown to the wind. It would be easy, she thought, to keep kissing him. Certainly she wished to, and she had a feeling she was very used to acting upon what she wished.

And that's what stopped her. That's what finally made her pull away, regretfully, pressing too-gentle fingers to his lips in a shushing gesture as she did.

"I can't-- this is unfair to you," she said, with a small sigh, and let her hand fall as she took a step back, placing the smallest bit of distance between them before she could change her mind.

"What I want is irrelevant, I think, because I have no idea what I'll want when I am my usual self again, and I would not want you to suffer for my mistakes. I cannot think that I will take pleasure in causing you any undue pain, even then. From all accounts, I was at least a reasonably fair sort of goddess."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

The Doctor pulled away further. Right. He knew what was right. It was wrong for him to even think that...it was wrong. He knew better. What was he thinking?

"You're just a being," the Doctor said, "Not a goddess. Not to me. Just a person. Far from ordinary, but, well, I don't find people to be ordinary in general."

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure your thinking so will offend the me who would rather be seen as a goddess, but I appreciate your thinking so, now," she said, with a rueful smile.

"I don't think she... I, I don't think either version of me has gotten much chance to just be a person."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

The Doctor nodded, "People don't see past what they want to see. A goddess, not an insecure person in a world she doesn't understand. You and I have a lot in common, and I don't think that she---the you that you normally are---would understand that."

He offered her a small smile. "Well, at least I told you. Gets it off the chest and all that. Someone to confide in."

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

"Will I remember it later?" she asked, suddenly worried for whatever the answer might be.

"Any of this, I mean. This conversation, things you said, things I felt... will all that just be lost, or will I remember it even if I'm not really this me any more?"

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"You should," he said, honestly, "I did. After...I remembered everything."

Another smile.

"Don't be afraid. You'll be all right. It's a bit like you remembered something terribly important all of a sudden."

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

She nodded, a little relieved at that. Whatever else, at least she'd remember. Maybe she wouldn't want to, but all of this wouldn't just be lost. An encounter she might've never had otherwise - surely she'd appreciate that aspect later, if nothing else.

"I am, a little, anyway," she admitted. "Afraid, I mean. I don't think it's something I'm used to being, but it's easier to be fearless when you already know all there is to fear. I'm going to get all of that back, and I know it's for the best, but it doesn't kill that small irrational voice that wants to just go on being me, as I am, because it would be easier."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Easier isn't the right way to think about it," the Doctor said, "And what's right is rarely what's easy."

"For example," he said, "It would be very easy to kiss you again. But it's not right, so I'm going to stay over here."

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

She smiled a strange little smile, tilting her head a little in an echo of a gesture she no longer remembered.

"Are right and wrong so clear as all that, to us? To you, or to me? From what I know -- which admittedly is far less than I'd like, but from what I have gleaned and what I recall in flashes, my concept of right was entirely different from most. You've done me no offense, if that is your concern."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"You, no, but her. Well, I don't even want to imagine that."

He smiled.

"I've always...you...you mean a great deal to me, Illyria."

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

"Maybe I'll surprise you," she said, almost brightly, more an echo of the woman whose face she wore than the goddess she'd been.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"It's something you're good at," the Doctor replied, his smile turning more into a grin, "How're you going to surprise me this time?"

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

"Well..."

She tilted her head, studying him almost like the old her would've, but with a great deal more playfulness.

"Is there anything else the other me wouldn't have have done? Besides kissing you, I mean. I don't want to get her too angry at you, but I don't want to go back to being a goddess without taking full advantage of having been human."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Well, she would never..."

The Doctor pondered the question a moment, then grinned, rather madly, at her. He crossed the room and pressed a button on the console. The room filled with the sweet sounds of Frank Sinatra.

"When somebody loves you
You'll be sure she's gonna love you
All the way

Taller than the tallest tree is
That's how it's gotta feel
Deeper than the deep blue sea is
That's how deep it goes
If it's real..."

He extended a hand to her.

"Dance with me?"

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

She laughed, delighted and a little self-conscious all at once.

"Do I even know how to do this?" she asked, taking his hand regardless, and figuring she must be smart enough to figure it out even if instinct told her absolutely nothing.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Well, it's easier than you think."

He placed her hand on his shoulder. He curled his fingers around one hand, and placed his other on her hip.

"Just move with the music."

The song was slow enough, even with it's strong, jazzy beat. He moved in time to the music, leading her with him.

His grin was probably larger than it had been in years.

"When somebody needs you
It's no good unless she needs you
All the way

Through the good or lean years
and for all the between years
Come what may..."

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

She felt a little strange letting him lead; she got the sense that she wasn't much for surrendering even the smallest bit of control, normally. But it was nice. She found the rhythm quickly, surprising herself, and managed not to step on any feet or be stepped upon, herself.

"You're good at this," she observed, cheerfully. "I didn't imagine a man who lives in a time ship could be bothered with such mundane things as dancing."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Dancing," he replied, "Is never, ever maundane."

He spun her out, then back in, and surprised himself by how close she was to him. The first time he'd really, truly seen intimacy from Illyria. Since she'd let him pull her in, even a little bit.

He wouldn't let himself fall for her again. Wouldn't let himself fall over that edge.

Who knows where the road will lead us?
Only a fool could say

But if you let me love you
You'll be sure I'm gonna love you
All the way...

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

Her breath caught a little, just a very little, at the sudden closeness. She told herself it was because she was a little dizzy from spinning, and that was the tiniest bit true.

"Not with you it isn't," she replied, suddenly more serious than she'd been a moment ago. There was a quiet solemnity about the declaration, something that echoed more of her old serious nature.

It was almost certainly a bad idea to let herself take any of this seriously, not when she didn't even know if she'd be the same person come tomorrow.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was bad. This was very, very ,very, very, very, very, very bad. They danced, and the music went into an intermezzo, and the dancing became much, much slower. He wasn't losing his beat, he was just...oh, it was bad.

"What else do you think you want to do?" he asked, "That you've never done before? I doubt you've ridden a roller coaster, stood on a beach, or ate ice cream and enjoyed it."

He was getting too romantic in his old age.

[perfectblue.livejournal.com]

"Do you think I haven't? That's sort of tragic, if you think about it." Illyria asked, frowning a little, but rather welcoming the slight distraction as she had worried for a moment there that she might kiss him again.

"What did I do for fun?"

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"You explored," the Doctor replied, "You and I. We saw the universe. Ice Lakes of Sangreia. Mineral fires of Torohari. We even went to this plane once that was made entirely of shrimp. I didn't have any cocktail sauce. We got bored fairly quickly."

He suddenly gave her a bit of a dip, and pulled her back into his arms, grinning rather madly.

So if somebody loves you
You be sure they're gonna love you
All the way---