for quitehomoerotic: Welcome to the Boeshane Peninsula

[rude_not_ginger]

Follows this.

When the Doctor woke, he was prepared to feel stiff and uncomfortable. Usually, when reaching that point of exhaustion, he usually found himself on the floor or on the console, in some sort of an awkward position that left him sore for the next day. This morning, however, he was out of his clothes and stretched out on his bed, under the covers with a heating blanket.

A breathing heating blanket.

He raised an eyebrow and looked to where Jack had an arm around him as he slept. The previous day came rushing back. Pearl Harbor, the goodbyes, the return of Gallifrey, being captured by the Shadow Proclamation, and finally nearly killing Jack. They came so very close. Too close.

Without really thinking about it, the Doctor found himself wrapping an arm around Jack's shoulder. Jack, who was ready and willing to die the previous day. And the Doctor was willing to give him that. He had been willing to give him that. Not anmymore.

Where could they go, now?

Onwards, of course. It was the only way they could go.

The TARDIS wasn't moving anymore, and the Doctor slowly extracted himself from Jack's embrace. He grabbed his trousers and shirt and threw them on quickly, heading towards the console, hopefully before Jack woke.

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[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

So much for a quiet, happy afternoon.

The Doctor's temper rose, but he glanced back to where people where shopping and chatting. If they caught too much attention, Jack could see himself, and that would cause far too many disruptions in the fabric of time. Far too many things could go far too wrong.

Wanting the glory to himself, though. The Doctor was so insulted, he felt ill.

Without a word, the Doctor spun on heel and started back towards the entrance of the city.

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Oh but Jack wasn't about to leave it there.

He glanced back to his younger self one last time. His mother was still there, but she hadn't noticed the slight commotion, nor had the boy. They would be there and gone and nobody would be any the wiser. A little like so much of his life.

But there was little time for reflection as he stormed after the Doctor, waiting until they were far enough away to confront him by grabbing hold of his arm and tugging him.

"You know one day you might just storm off and I won't be there when you turn back around."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

The Doctor pulled his arm roughly away from Jack. Not here, not in Jack's home city. This wasn't fair, starting this here. Why did the Doctor have to start it here? Things were going so well.

"At least then, I won't have to worry about you wanting to die," the Doctor snapped. "Because no matter how sorry you were this morning or how badly I want to move on from it, you still wanted to die. And only I could do it. And---Jack, I can't. I just can't."

He couldn't handle the thought of losing Jack. Of having to give him up, not like that. Maybe it was why he brought up Jack's mother, of what she might feel. Because, really, he wanted Jack to feel guilty. He wanted Jack to hurt, the way the Doctor was hurting.

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack continued to follow. He wasn't going to let this lie, to let this fall. He had said to the Doctor to tell him if something was wrong, hadn't he? And in a way he supposed he preferred this outburst than his keeping it in entirely, but then that didn't stop it being utterly and completely frustrating.

"Yeah I did," he said, not going to hide it or shy from it. "I did and I know I put you in that position, I know that. And trust me, oh just trust me on how bad I feel for doing that. You're all that's left that matters to-- Doctor you're all and there--" he took a heavy breath.

"You don't think I understand? I do. But you agreed to it, Doctor. You agreed when all I wanted you to say was don't!"

And on that, he stopped. He hadn't meant to give that away, and the fact he had embarrassed him and he glanced down and sighed.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"It's a good job you feel bad," the Doctor snapped, taking another few steps back. "We wouldn't want anything less, Jack. Anything less."

He felt like he was a ball of carbonation that had been shaken up and hard. He'd held it in since the previous evening, even held it in as he opened the door, ready to let Jack out. And now, after all this relaxing, he couldn't hold onto it anymore.

"And do what, Jack? Let you suffer?"

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

"Yeah I doubt you would," Jack snapped back, "after all, anything I do you pretty much always just throw it back in my face. Or hey, why don't we sit down and have a chat about your favourite topic: The Master. I'll get the snacks and we can settle in for the evening!"

And Jack never meant to address that, something that grated away. And he'd been willing to listen, he always had. He'd been willing to do anything for the Doctor and to him it felt as though it were constantly thrown back at him.

"Oh it's all suffering!" he said, throwing his hand. "You know that as well as I do. We just punctuate it with things that aren't because that's life. What's the point otherwise. You have to feel pleasure to feel pain. You just try and shut it out, all of it, and don't tell me you don't."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Are you jealous of the Master?" the Doctor asked with an incredulous laugh. Of all the people in the universe, the Doctor thought Jack might understand. But why would he? How could he? The Doctor wasn't even sure he understood his relationship with the Master.

The Doctor reached the gates and offered a salute to the men as he zipped by them. He couldn't stop moving. Couldn't stop. Couldn't stop.

"You don't see me standing on the edge of oblivion," he said to Jack. "I don't want to go."

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack, at heart, wasn't a violent man, and there were very few times he wanted to honestly lash out. But here, faced with that question? He had an incredibly strong urge to smack the Doctor around the jaw.

"Oh sure, because I'd just love to be in his shoes, wouldn't I?" he said sarcastically. "Not everything I think or do revolves around you, Doctor," he added, not entirely truthfully.

He followed him out though, barely sparing a look to the men.

"Well hallelujah!" he said, "Finally you've noticed it, because seems to me you've been suicidal since I met you! You know what I think? I think you resented me for stopping you getting in that box. I think you wanted to die!"

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

The Doctor spun around. "It was my time to go!"

The words came out before he had the chance to stop himself, and he stood there, dumbfounded by his own confession.

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack was just as shocked. Just as surprised. He had suspected it was how the Doctor felt, suspected it entirely, yes, but he had no confirmation, and to say it he'd been going out on a limb.

But here in stark truth was his confession.

The anger left Jack now and he merely felt sad.

"No," he said with a sad shake of his head. "No, it wasn't. Is that what you would have preferred? If I had just let you? Like you were going to let me? Guess maybe that makes you a stronger man than me, Doctor. Because I'm sorry but I couldn't do that. I can't. I never could."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

The Doctor had almost been ready to die. Even that final shout at Wilf and how much he insisted he wasn't ready, he was. He stood there, on the threshold, and knew it was time. And now it was gone, like Jack had snatched it from him. And it was stupid, stupid, stupid! Stupid to think that he'd missed something by not dying there, but he felt like he had. Felt like it was time to start anew. Start without pain.

"Well, maybe we think differently, then," he said. "Because I was ready to give you peace. Even if it meant I'd be alone."

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack didn't want to get upset. He didn't want more of that, any of that really. But hearing the Doctor speak, hearing him say those things, it cut away at him inside. His heart felt heavy, and he wondered if all he'd been was selfish.

He wanted to ask if living was that bad, but how could he? How after the last night? Because he knew how hard living could be. How painful.

"I guess I'm just selfish," he said quietly, sadly. He looked down and shook his head.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. And he meant it, he truly meant it.

"I'm sorry if I took that from you. It wasn't my decision to make."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Don't," the Doctor said, shaking his head. "Just don't."

Because there wasn't time to think, was there? There was the moment the Doctor reached out for the door, and the moment afterwards. If he'd waited even an instant longer, Wilf would've died. The Doctor shouldn't have resented the fact that his choice was taken from him, because that wasn't fair.

But he was ready. Ready to go. Ready to start over.

He looked away from Jack, out to the water below the sandy cliffside.

"How bad are the rocks?"

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack wanted to say something. He wanted to do something but he had no idea what. It seemed that everything he tried to do was wrong. Even the things he planned for the best part of three years, he had always assumed that's what the Doctor would want.

He held too much stock in stolen moments that meant everything to him, and had focussed on that and not the bigger picture. The Doctor could regenerate, the Doctor could move on. Maybe that was the excuse he had wanted.

He took a deep breath and wiped a hand over his face, frowning as he processed the question.

"A little sharp for a few feet," he told him with a monotone voice, "nothing you can't handle."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

He hesitated for one moment. Jack knew the Doctor's most terrifying secret, even if he didn't know why it was so terrible. He knew the way the Doctor's mind worked, and the two of them had managed so much in their time together. They survived what they both believed would be the end of their lives. The Doctor should've been grateful. He should've been proud.

He took a breath, and started towards the cliff at a run.

Once, in his seventh life, his companion had been at the point where the Doctor was now. She'd lost everything, had everything in her life torn apart. When she leapt into the water she was so terrified of, she came out different. Clean.

Maybe it would be the same for him.

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it was some level of numbness that had kept Jack from piecing together the question and what that might mean. But for no moment had he expected the Doctor would run to the cliff and jump to the water.

The realisation came though in stark contrast when the Doctor set off at a run.

He waited just a moment, stood still in shock, and then he launched after him.

He stalled at the cliffs edge just to look down. Just one moment to look, to watch. What was he doing? Why had he done this? Was it some sort of suicide? He could hardly hate him for it if it were. But he wasn't going to hang around and find out. And so he made a leap himself. He called the Doctor's name at the top of his lungs and jumped down from the cliff's edge and into the water below.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

He heard Jack's voice calling his name right as he hit the surface of the water. It wasn't his name name, he had a feeling Jack knew the significance of that utterance. But it was Jack, somewhere above him. Somewhere calling to him.

While it was warm outside, the water he hit was bitterly cold. Too cold, if he thought about it. The rocks were thick with ice and big, heavy coagulated blocks floated near him. His head just missed a rock, though he hit one with his thigh. It burned in the cold water.

His body floated there, frozen, for just a few moments. A few moments of silence.

Then, he heard the crackle of lightning.

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack plunged into the water, clearly missing all the rocks in his wake. It was like some sort of muscle memory, even now knowing what it was like to remember diving off this cliff.

And in the water it was quiet. Quiet until he heard a crack, and the water that surrounded him seemed to illuminate and flash. He emerged on the surface and shook his head, taking a deep breath and looking around.

"Doctor!", he called again before spotting him a short way off and immediately making to join him. He reached out, treading water with his feet, and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"You okay?" he asked immediately. "I've got you."

And then, after a breath, "Did you see that?"

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

Jack took hold of the Doctor's shoulders, pulling him above water. He took in a breath, and looked back, where lightning shot from wave to wave. It was an electrical current that should've killed both the Doctor and Jack, but it seemed to settle on a different wavelength.

"Where's it coming from?" he asked.

The mystery overtook the other thoughts in his mind.

"This way."

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack held tight onto the Doctor, gripping him and making sure he was stable in the water. Only then did he turn to pay attention to the water.

The currents seemed to ebb out like a heart beat, like it was reaching for something. But why not them?

"I don't know," he said, regarding it with a frown.

The Doctor ushered him though, and though his immediate urge was to follow, he stalled himself, holding him back.

"Wait, no. Doctor, wait. Let the universe wait for us once. Talk to me, Doctor. Just talk." And perhaps it said a lot that here, his lifelong and childhood home, it was more important to him to look after the Doctor than to look after the place.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Time and place, Jack!" the Doctor snapped, attempting to push him away. "Now isn't the time, and this isn't the place! Now, come on!"

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack let the Doctor push him away. He lifted both hands defensively.

"All of time and space and some how it never is, is it?" he said with an ironic laugh. "Well fine, I'm done trying. I won't ask again. You get pushed so much a guy gets the picture. Fine."

He looked back to the water, work mode.

"Must be coming from the outcrop about 100 feet out."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

No. No, it never was. It never could be. He'd talk about it later, and later wasn't now and that was---it was all circular, all a way to keep himself from having to explain it.

The Doctor followed Jack's instruction, diving under the water and swimming forward. 100 feet. 100 feet. The water kicked up a current, feeling rough and wild underneath, while the surface was still smooth and only broken by himself and Jack.

"Where do these waters head out to?" he called back.

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack could separate himself. At least that's what he told himself. He could work with the Doctor and just that. Cut out emotion because frankly he was good at doing that.

He'd just be Captain Jack Harkness.

He swam out to the ridge, a little to the side of him, and he looked back up over his shoulder at the city to the side. If something was wrong here, he had to sort it. This was his home. He had to keep it safe.

"Out to the sea," he said, "the Adra, it's about the size of the Atlantic. A few islands about 50 miles out but nothing else until you reach the mainland at Bosine."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"So why stay so far inland?"

He dropped under the water and tried to focus his field of vision. He could see the lightning, see a shape, but he couldn't properly make it out, couldn't figure out exactly what he was supposed to be looking at.

He surfaced.

"Is it always this cold?" he asked, scooping up a blob of ice.