for mind_the_muse: 3/4 a person

[rude_not_ginger]

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.
-Arthur Schopenhauer

"If you're changing every single cell…isn't it gonna hurt?"

He knows it will. He may have never completed the process before, but he's seen it done. He's watched the tele-viewers in his classrooms and he'd documented the cellular changes in experimental subjects. When asked about the pain level, their calm Gallifreyan voices would break a little as they spoke: "Horrific."

"Oh, yeah, it'll hurt."

All the same, he finishes up the settings and sits on the chair. He straps the chameleon arch onto his head and takes a breath. Looks at Martha. She looks so scared.

He wishes there was more time. More time to explain to her what was about to happen, what he needed for her to do. He created that list just prior to getting the chameleon arch ready, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't anywhere near enough.

And he couldn't emphasize enough on the list about how she needed to prevent him from eating pears. Not enough time.

"You might want to…" Look away? Get away? He's seen what this can do, and he's not certain he wants to have an image of him screaming burned into her mind. No, he's actually quite certain he does not want that in her mind. Especially if she's going to have to see him as only a quarter of who he truly is for the next few months.

Three-quarters. That's what the experiments on Gallifrey would say. Three-quarters of the DNA and genetic makeup and brain capacity. That's how much is pulled out whenever something like this is done. It's compressed and put into the larger-on-the-inside pocket watch. He imagines it's like he's lost all his limbs and his head and he'll be this bloody torso with only Martha to carry him around, but even that's too much. So much of him will be gone.

He looks at her imploringly. Begging her to leave before he terrifies himself into stopping.

"Quit lookin' at me like that, Doctor, I'm not going anywhere." She's put on a brave face. He has the strangest desire to tell her brave heart, Martha. Maybe he's just feeling nostalgic. Which isn't too terrible a thing. He won't have any memory of what to be nostalgic about in a moment.

He nods. Takes a breath. Presses the button.

3/4ths of him is ripped out in two heartbeats. His cells are pulled and pushed and pulled away and taken and shoved and he screams and screams and screams----two heartbeats of complete agony. Then one more heartbeat. Only one heartbeat. Only one.

He's like them, now. He can hide.

Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 447

Comments

[clever-wanderer.livejournal.com]

Wow. You had me holding my breath for most of that, it was incredible and frightening all at the same time. I loved the end, the frantic "one more heartbeat, only one heartbeat, only one," I like the idea that only 3/4 was ripped apart, it sort of explains why Smith has those occasionally "Doctorish" moments while still being a completely, utterly different person. Brilliant piece, absolutely terrifying.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I got the prompt and thought I'd take the idea a little more literally. I'm so glad you're pleased with the result! *squee*

And I know you don't RP with Ten very much, but have you ever thought about joining an RP with him? Or maybe with John Smith? I'm in this great DW-Centric RP called relativespace that's always looking for new members! You've got a great handle on his voice, you should try it!

[clever-wanderer.livejournal.com]

I have to say, I love the way you handle prompts, the way you take them and really make them your own, and how it all sounds absolutely perfect for the Doctor. You're brilliant, you really are :)

And about RP, I have actually wanted to RP with Ten, I just wasn't sure where to start, and was a bit concerned with being able to keep up an RP thread. At the moment, I'm pretty sure I could manage it, I just need to start! I'll have to check out relativespace, thanks! :D

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

Well, the crew over at RS are really cool about taking things slow, my real life makes thread-keeping-up very difficult, and they're always very cool about it. And they're all great writers, you'll have a ton of fun!

The nice thing about RS is that you can have multiples of the same muse, just from different universes. Like my Ten is from an alternate universe where he didn't make it back to the 51st century after getting trapped in France with Reinette. There was a Rose for a while who never met the Doctor, and we have a few females of the Doctor, too. It's great, and you've got the fun sort of personality that I think would fit in superwell with everybody.

[clever-wanderer.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a lot of fun, actually! I'd have to come up with some sort of AU for my Ten though, right? Or would I join a pre-existing AU? I wonder...is there a Joan on RS? Wow, sorry, too many questions...I'm sort of excited, it looks like a lot of fun :D

My RL is a bit difficult sometimes too, and can take up a lot of time at really sporadic, random moments. But they're alright with that? I definitely think I might do this, I just need to come up with a suitable AU...

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

There isn't a Joan yet, but I know a few floating around with no definite place to play, I'm sure I could snag 'em and y'all could talk. As for joining a pre-exister, that's not a problem you'd just need to talk to that AU, or create one of your own. It has to be something to make them definitely AU, like...I dunno, never met Rose, or never destroyed Gallifrey, or traveled with Lucy instead of Martha, that sort of thing.

And if you need any help, let me know. I absolutely LOVE RS, and I'll do what I can to get more great writers in there!

And I'm right there with you with RL. The mods and muns are reall kind about it.

[clever-wanderer.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of maybe doing a Doctor who travels with Joan, like she decided to come with him at the end of Family of Blood instead of saying no. That's why I was wondering about a Joan.

Thank you for putting up with all my questions :) I really do want to get more into RP, I just wasn't entirely sure where to start. RS does look like fun though, between the RP and the prompts, I can see why you like it :D