• I’m gonna say what I need to say,
in my very last letter to you,
cuz you always made it clear,
said that you’d never be my pain.
So here’s to you when you cried baby blues
And just paused a cool to refrain
And you said she was satisfied
and this body’s just waiting to die
and I could listen sometimes
but you said its alright
its just a whole lot harder alone. •
He gives up and tosses the note into the bin by his desk. It's been months since he's seen her on the Plane, he's not even sure why he bothers. It's been good, being apart. He's grown closer to Brigitta, River, even people he's only just met on the Plane. It's better that she's away.
He is certain the end is coming. His death. He doesn't know what he does or who knocks for him, but he knows it's coming to an end.
He looks down at his hands. They're good hands. Little freckles and hairs all over them and the bones at his knuckles stick out, but they're good hands. He can't even imagine regenerating them away.
But his song wouldn't be ending if he was just going to regenerate. Funny. He always imagined he had at least a few more regenerations in him.
Still. That's the trouble with regeneration. You never quite know what you're going to get. And if he's right about the things people see about him, he's not going to get anything anymore.
He looks at the crumpled up letter. She made her choice. Probably wouldn't even notice if he died (when he dies).
It still doesn't feel fixed. It doesn't feel concluded.
He doesn't want her back. Not really. Maybe a tiny bit, but not enough for him to act on it. But he wants---
He wants to say good-bye. He's said good-bye to Sarah, Brigitta, Dorothy, and the Master, he's still working on saying good-bye to his Companion and Jack. He's passed on the notes he's taken to a superhero who should be able to continue his work. He's done. he needs to stop worrying about it.
But Lucy---No, no, Mrs. Saxon. He hasn't seen her. She doesn't know.
Unconsciously, he drops to the Plane.
She isn't there, of course. Silly thing to think. River would probably slap him for thinking something like that (and River's slaps are really, really unpleasant). But she's not here and he can't think of what to write in a letter to leave her.
She's content with her half-life with the Master, so she'd never seek him out. She doesn't know.
He drops back to the TARDIS and cleans up the letters before heading back to the console room to make a few final repairs.
Everything's ending soon, for him. And she doesn't know.
It's better that she doesn't know.
Muse: The Doctor (Ten)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 413
Based on rp with shatteredqueen and others in realityshifted